Affliction and Efficiency

I saw a man who had his pants

above his topmost rib.

I thought, "Oh what a clever man,

he needn't any bib!"

I asked "Oh truly clever man,

How did it come about?

That you could fit such tight bib-pants,

upon a frame so stout?"

he answered not a word to me 

But gave me such a yawn,

that soon I felt like he was queen

and I was but a pawn

I said "I do beseech you sir,

forgive my social blunder,

but how do you fit on those pants,

and how, keep them asunder?"

And nothing spake he unto me 

but gave me such a look,

that I felt quite like a cornered bishop

and he much like a rook

"Then if you will not speak to me

I shall not speak to you!"

(I shouted this and I am sure,

he turned a little blue.)

He tipped his hat to me and said

"It's getting rather late."

and as he stoutly marched away 

He shouted back "Check Mate!"