A Fortunate Meeting

Bit 1 in which we become acquainted  

A man was sleeping on a fence,
I asked him how he did.
He rolled half over in his sleep
And open-ed a lid

"I'm feeling fine" he said as if
in answer to my quest,
"but just today I tried some hay
and it was not the best."

I tried to tell my new-found friend
that eating hay was bunk
He haughtily replied to me 
"Now listen here you punk!"

"I eat thumb tacks and drink pig swill 
for breakfast every day,
I do not see how I could not
digest alfalfa hay!"

Bit 2 in which I use my surreptitiousness to change the subject

I asked "What ever do you do
when needing exercise?"
He said "I've lost a thousand pounds
 By telling awful lies."

"Before that time you must have been 
fan-tas-ti-cal-y fat!"
He nodded twice in his reply
and said "I was at that."

Bit 3 I rearrange the flora of my yard

We left on amiable terms,
and not quite enemies.
But just a soon as I got home
I rooted up my trees.